True Monster
by mandancie
Summary: Sam believes the message Dean left for him right before he killed Lilith. The communication is non-existent between the brothers. Can Dean find out what's wrong with Sam before it is too late? Trigger: Depression


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.**

**A special thanks to AlElizabeth for beta'ing my story.**

**A/N: I know it has been a long time since I've posted a Supernatural story. I hope you enjoy this story. **

**Summary: Sam believes the message Dean left for him right before he killed Lilith. The communication is non-existent between the brothers. Can Dean find out what's wrong with Sam before it is too late? **

**Triggers: Depression**

**Setting: This has tags to the finale of Season 4. It's set anytime after Sam and Dean moved into the Bunker. **

**True Monsters**

"_It means you're a monster."_

"_Listen to me, you blood-sucking freak. Dad said I either had to save you or kill you. Well I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam—a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back."_

"_It means you're a monster. It means you're a monster. A monster. A monster. Monster. Monster."_

Sam sat in his room on the bed, leaning against the wall. He hated feeling like this, but he couldn't help it. Always a disappointment. He didn't want to be a burden to Dean. Every time Dean looks at him, Sam can feel the contempt and hatred flowing off Dean like water off a duck's back.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

"Hey, what are you doing in there? We got to go."

Sam looked up at the closed door. So much, he wanted to say that he didn't want to go. He didn't want to sit in the car all that time with Dean hating him. But he guesses that was the coward's way out. Getting off the bed, Sam grabbed his backpack, jacket, and computer bag and walked out the room.

Dean was waiting for Sam in the library.

"What took you so long?" Dean asked when Sam walked out of the hallway.

"Nothing," Sam mumbled.

"Whatever," Dean sighed, getting up, heading for the garage.

Sam watched Dean leave. He sighed and followed his older brother.

"_It means you're a monster."_

The inside of the car was relatively quiet. Dean was listening to AC/DC on the radio. Sam tried to keep himself busy by looking through his phone for more information about the case they were heading to. There wasn't much information, to begin with. A few people were turning up missing.

"Any more news about the people that were missing?" Dean asked.

The suddenness of Dean talking startled Sam.

"Uh, no. There isn't much on it. The families aren't even saying anything," Sam said.

Dean side-glanced Sam. "What is wrong with you?"

Sam looked over at Dean. "Nothing."

"Really," Dean said. "Nothing's the matter?"

"No, Dean," Sam said, getting defensive.

"All right," Dean sighed. "If you say so. But don't say I didn't ask." Dean leaned over, turning up the music.

Sam hated that he got loud with Dean, but the last thing he wanted was having Dean worry about him, thinking that he couldn't do the job. He would not be a burden.

_0000_0000_000_000

Dean pulled into the motel parking lot. Sam was about to get out of the car so that he could check them in, but Dean stopped him.

"Stay here," Dean said. "I'll go. You just wait."

Sam was frozen in his efforts. Dean doesn't even trust him to check them in. Sam tried not to take it personally. Well, since he was waiting, Sam decided to get his things together. A few minutes later, Dean got into the car and drove down a little way before parking.

Tossing the key to Sam, Dean said, "Out."

Sam looked down at the key and got out of the car. Sam didn't get the door closed before Dean backed out and drove off. No word. Nothing. Sam watched as the taillights disappeared down the road.

He left, Sam thought. Well, what did he expect? He was a monster — a bane to Dean's existence.

Sam went to the room. Turning the key, he walked in. When he turned on the light, his heart dropped. Sam's bags fell to the floor.

A single bed.

Dean wasn't coming back. He has just been dumped. Sam thought he had more time. He thought he could prove to Dean that he wasn't a burden. He wasn't a monster. He could be trusted. No. Sam was in the middle of nowhere. No car. No brother. With only the money in his pocket. He didn't even know how many days Dean put on the room.

Sam looked around the room. He couldn't breathe. It was like the walls were closing in on him. Sam turned and walked out of the room. He barely closed the door before walking away from the room. He didn't know where he was going; he just knew that he had to get away.

"_It means you're a monster."_

Sam had his hands in his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. He wasn't paying attention to what was around him. It was a slow mantra going through his head.

"_It means you're a monster."_

Sam continued his trek. He saw different lights to the businesses in the area, but nothing interested Sam enough to stop walking.

"_It means you're_—"

Sam's side started vibrating. His phone ringing surprised him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Dean?"

"Where are you? I came back to the room, and you weren't here."

Sam had to pull his phone away from his ear. Dean was yelling so loud.

"I…I," Sam started but was cut off.

"Turn on your GPS," Dean growled. "And don't you dare move from that spot."

The phone clicked in Sam's ear. He knew that Dean hung up. His fingers moved without him thinking about it. He turned on his GPS and stayed where he was.

He was confused. Dean left him. He wasn't coming back. He was finally tired of Sam. He didn't want to be burdened down with a monster for a brother.

It took thirty minutes before Dean found Sam. The roar of the Impala's engine let Sam know that Dean was speeding. Dean pulled in front of Sam.

"Get your ass in this car," Dean yelled.

Sam got in the car. He still didn't understand why Dean was here. He looked over at his brother and saw the vein in Dean's temple pulsating. Dean was angry. Sam knew that.

It didn't take long for them to get back to the motel. Neither one said anything the entire ride. Dean put the car in park and got out of the car. Sam got out and walked to his room. Pulling his key out of his pocket, he walked to the room. Once again, Sam was surprised at what he saw in the room. There was a roll-away bed sitting in the corner — a bag of food sitting on the table. Sam's discarded bags were on the bed.

Sam turned around and saw that Dean was still leaning against the car.

"Dean," Sam said.

Dean raised his hand and shook his head. Sam knew what that meant. Dean was trying to cool down. Sam sighed and went into the room and sat down on the bed.

"_It means you're a monster."_

Dean came into the room, closing the door and sitting down at the table. Sam looked at his brother and saw the glare he was giving him, so he lowered his head.

"Talk to me," Dean said.

"What?"

"What?! How about what's going on with you?" Dean asked.

"Nothing," Sam said.

"Don't give me that crap," Dean cut him off, slamming his hand on the table. "Something is bothering you. What is it?"

"Dean, I…"

"Sam, don't bullshit me."

Sam looked at his brother. He saw the no-nonsense expression on Dean's face.

Sam's shoulders sagged. "I'm just a monster. I huge burden to you."

Dean couldn't believe what he just heard. He was completely speechless. He didn't know how to respond to that.

"Okay," Dean said, shaking his head. "I'm confused. Where are you getting that from? Who said you were a burden? And what monster?"

"It means you're a monster," Sam said.

Dean lowered his head. His own words fueled this. He thought this book was closed. He thought they were good.

"Sammy, I apologized about that," Dean said.

"What? No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did," Dean said. "The next day, actually."

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "You told me the next time you saw me; you were going to kill me."

Now, Dean was totally confused. He remembered that night. He remembered them arguing. He remembered how much it hurt him saying that to Sam. The minute he said it, he had wished he didn't. After getting chewed out by Bobby, he called and left a message apologizing.

"Sammy, you're going to have to help me out," Dean said.

"There is nothing to help you out with," Sam said.

"Sam, if I said that I was going to kill you, do you think I would be here? Do you think you would be here? I died so that you wouldn't. Why would I say that I would kill you?"

"You said I was a vampire. A monster."

"I have never called you a vampire," Dean said. "Now, I will admit that I called you a monster. And I regretted that ever since I said it. I shouldn't have said it. I apologized for that. I called you the next day and left a message saying that we are brothers. That I'm not dad. I'm not your father. I'm your brother. And it is supposed to be me and you against the world. Me and you."

Sam was now confused. Looking at his brother, he could see that Dean wasn't lying. But that's not right. He knows what he heard. He didn't hear an apology. Man, if he heard that from his brother, he wouldn't have killed Lilith.

Sam dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone. After pressing a few buttons, an old voice mail came up. Sam pressed play and turned up the volume.

"_Listen to me, you blood-sucking freak. Dad said I either had to save you or kill you. Well I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam—a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back."_

Dean stood up and walked over to Sam, holding out his hand. Sam looked at Dean and saw that he was again angry.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam said.

"No," Dean raged, snatching the phone out of Sam's hand. "I did not say that. I would never say that." His fingers were tightly gripping the phone. "You've been listening to this for years?"

"Dean."

"Tell me something," Dean said, sitting next to Sam on the bed. "If you didn't get this message, what would you've done?"

"Dean."

"Tell me."

"I was calling to apologize. I wanted to talk to you. I didn't like that fight. Yeah, we've fought before, but not like that. I was going to ask if I could come home."

Dean lowered his head, shaking it.

"Sammy, you…you never, ever have to ask if you could come home. Ever. It should never come to that. The Impala, Bobby's house, the cabin, the bunker: it is your home. That will never change. Don't ever think that something is so bad that you can never come back. Nothing is ever that bad that you can't come back home. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. You understand?"

Sam nodded.

"No, I need to hear it," Dean said. "You shaking your head won't cut it."

"I understand, Dean."

"Good," Dean said. "Oh, and one other thing."

"What?"

Dean gripped Sam's phone in his hands and broke it.

"You're getting a new phone." Dean got up from the bed and went to the table and started pulling the food out of the bag.

**THE END**

**A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review letting me know what you think.**

**Many hugs and kisses to you all!**

**Mandancie**


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